Anywhere's Better Than Here Page 2

  The door opened and a heavy set young man in a polo neck walked in and headed straight to the bar.

  ‘‘Pint, Mags.’’

  The barmaid grinned at the man.

  ‘‘How are you tonight, Gerry?’’ One of Bog face’s eye teeth was missing.

  He shrugged, picked up his pint and sat at the table nearest Laurie’s with his back to the bar. The transformation in the barmaid was astonishing. She smiled as she scoured her cloth across the bar and one of her shoulder straps had fallen to reveal even more of her preserved skin.

  Laurie looked back down from the bar to surreptitiously check out this Gerry.

  He was smiling at her.

  ‘‘How d’you like it?’’ He cut through the air with an upturned palm.

  ‘‘What?’’ She smiled. ‘‘The pub or the atmosphere?’’

  ‘‘Oh both, everything.’’

  She laughed for the first time that day.

  ‘‘Gerry,’’ he reached across to shake her hand.

  Laurie glanced up at the bar in time to see the barmaid’s face fold shut. Her pique gave Laurie confidence. At least she was a better prospect than that old hag.

  ‘‘Laurie.’’ She smiled. ‘‘Would you like to join me?’’

  He moved across to her table.

  ‘‘So what are you doing here?’’ He took a big drink of his pint. ‘‘Are you on the run?’’

  She smiled. Was she? She supposed she was. But how pathetic to be on the run from someone like Ed! ‘‘Sort of.’’ She sipped her beer. ‘‘Yourself? Are you escaping something?’’

  ‘‘Cheap beer, snazzy décor, on the way home from work.’’ He nodded as he spoke.

  ‘‘Where is it you work?’’

  ‘‘The hospital.’’ He paused then pointed at himself. ‘‘I am a hospital DJ.’’

  ‘‘Really? I’ve never met anyone who did that. Is it interesting?’’

  He thought for a moment. ‘‘I’m thinking about leaving actually.’’ He smiled brightly at Laurie. ‘‘Anyway, do you want another drink?’’

  Laurie looked down at her almost full glass.

  Gerry smiled. ‘‘Well, how about a nip?’’

  She shrugged. ‘‘Why not, eh?’’

  Gerry turned to the bar. Laurie took the opportunity to check him out a bit more. He was taller than Ed, taller than her Dad. Maybe about six footish? Manly. Looked like he could cut things down and carry stuff around. He was wearing a thick dark green wooly jumper which should have looked daggy, but actually just looked warm and practical. His shoulders had that nice straight line to them that some men had. Ed would never have shoulders like that. He’d never be manly like this guy.

  ‘‘Mags, my darling, two nips and a pint when you have a moment.’’

  The barmaid narrowed her eyes, no doubt contemplating poisoning either one or both of the drinks.

  ‘‘So.’’ She needed to keep the chat moving. ‘‘Why are you thinking about leaving?’’

  ‘‘It’s too heavy.’’ He shrugged. ‘‘But I don’t trust anyone else to do it.’’

  ‘‘Really? I’m not being funny, but isn’t it just playing music?’’

  ‘‘It’s not actually as simple as that.’’ He looked a bit hurt. ‘‘It’s all operations, bad news, dark nights of the soul, that kind of thing.’’ He shrugged again.

  She thought for a moment. ‘‘But there must be good things too. Babies being born.’’

  ‘‘No, no. They bring their own CDs. It’s all Enya and fucking whale song. Hospital radio’s mostly for the old folk, the terminally ill.’’ He picked at a beer mat and flicked it at the scabby table top. ‘‘I can’t stop thinking about how many people have died listening to one of my shows.’’ He took a deep breath. ‘‘Listening to tunes that I’ve picked.’’ He dropped the beer mat again and gripped his pint with both hands.

  ‘‘Oh God, I see what you mean.’’ She had never thought about that before and she could feel herself start to get choked up. She hated it when that happened and the feeling of sadness just popped up unbidden.

  ‘‘It’s taking me hours to plan my shows. It’s not easy, not easy at all.’’ He drained half his pint. ‘‘The thing is: there have been complaints. They want more Abba and less Ennio Morricone.’’ He seemed baffled.

  Laurie laughed, the feeling gone again. ‘‘I suppose nobody wants to be challenged at that point, do they?’’

  Gerry laughed too. ‘‘I suppose so. You’re not really looking to grow your musical repertoire at the end, are you?’’

  Mags arrived at the table with the fresh drinks. She ignored Gerry and stared again at Laurie.

  ‘‘Thanks Mags,’’ she smiled up as she spoke. The older woman snorted and turned back to the bar.

  ‘‘Cheers!’’ she called out to the retreating back. ‘‘She likes you, doesn’t she?’’ Laurie felt a twinge of jealousy. Ridiculous – she didn’t even know this man.

  They knocked back the whisky. Laurie’s eyes watered and she had to stop herself from gagging. She took a big slug of her beer to wash the taste away.

  They sat in silence and concentrated on finishing off the beer. Now she was feeling giddy and enthusiastic. She knew she was staring at Gerry’s face – at his pale eyes and his nice, straight teeth. She wanted to stroke her hand down his jumper and wind her fingers in his thick, dark hair. She was getting carried away. She drained the last of her drink and stood up abruptly.

  ‘‘I’ve got to go, Gerry.’’

  ‘‘Really, so soon?’’ He looked anxious and put out his hand. ‘‘ Let’s go somewhere else.’’ He started to stand up.

  She frowned down at him as he tried to untangle his coat from one of the legs of his chair.

  ‘‘Come on,’’ he said. Whether at her or the difficult coat, she couldn’t tell. The coat tugged free. She was starting to feel more than a little foolish. What was she doing? She could see where this might go but she just couldn’t be bothered.

  ‘‘Look, Gerry, I have to go home.’’

  ‘‘Will your mum be wondering where you are?’’ His eyes were kind and clever and he was staring at her. She felt she was being looked at properly for the first time.

  She swallowed.‘‘Something like that.’’ The problem now, of course, was that she had no idea where she was going. No money, no friends, no transport. She sat down again. If Gerry was surprised by this, he didn’t show it.

  ‘‘Pint?’’ He pointed to the bar.

  ‘‘Yes please. But I’m afraid I’ll have to owe you. I seem to have run out of money.’’

  ‘‘That’s absolutely fine. I like it when women owe me.’’

  He waved a tenner around as he said this and pretended to twiddle a moustache but he looked awkward. Possibly he wasn’t expecting Laurie to do anything in return, but she knew there had to be some method of exchange. She remembered the guys in the bushes.

  She wasn’t that naïve.

  ‘‘So what do you want to do?’’ He spread his arms out in front of him, palms up. ‘‘Dancing? Cocktails?’’

  She sighed. ‘‘Drink, mostly.’’

  ‘‘It’s not something I’d normally do, but Goddamn it, I’ll try anything once.’’ He shook the tenner at the barmaid. ‘‘Two pints of your finest ale, M’lady.’’

  Mags wasn’t happy but moved to the pumps.

  ‘‘Now what’s going on here?’’ He made a serious face at her. ‘‘Who are you really on the run from?’’

  ‘‘God, it’s too boring to go into.’’ She sighed. ‘‘Better just to drink, Gerry.’’

  ‘‘Really? Do you want to talk about it?’’

  ‘‘No. I definitely do not want to talk about it.’’ She made inverted commas around the word ‘‘it’’. She didn’t know why. It made Gerry laugh.

  ‘‘You’re a one-off aren’t you?’’

  ‘‘Some might say just as fucking well, eh?’’ They both laughed again in that silly, helpless way that people do when they’re se
ttling in to proper drinking.

  ‘‘Gerry,’’ Mag’s voice made Laurie’s temples throb. Gerry got up and went to the bar for the pints. No table service now. Laurie resisted the temptation to lay her head down on the table.

  ‘‘Enjoy.’’ Gerry smiled at her, placing her pint in front of her.

  ***

  They left the bar some time later. Gerry had offered to walk her home. She could feel him holding himself deliberately straighter. Was this the kind of situation where he needed to act sober even though they both knew how much they’d had to drink? Laurie led the way back to the flat. She walked at the edge of the pavement, balancing as she tried not to break into a run. She moved in a little but this brought her too close to Gerry and the other pedestrians. Mostly drunken teenagers, they were oblivious to anyone else. The girls were underdressed and sparkly in strapless tops and short skirts. Their legs were bare and shone under the street lamps. Laurie imagined herself as one of them. Out in a pack focussed on sugary drinks and grabby boys. The thought sickened her. She’d left all that behind her, thank God.

  They reached the end of her street having said nothing during the walk.

  ‘‘Well, here we are: Strathmore Crescent.’’ The once grand tenements peered down at them. She could see the light from the PC in their bedroom. She ducked into the lane opposite her flat. Gerry hesitated for a moment but followed her in. The lane joined the crescent to another street but was rarely used and barely lit.

  This seemed to be the correct course of action to take. Laurie felt much clearer headed and focused. She looked back at Gerry but the lack of street lights meant she could make out very little of his facial expression. All she could see was a rather grimly set jaw. Laurie pointed to a stone doorway leading to a drying area and stepped inside it. She leaned against the pillar, looking over Gerry’s shoulder as he moved in closer to her. She could just make out the bay window of her bedroom.

  What was Ed doing now?

  As if she needed to ask.

  He would, of course, be in front of a screen making pretend people move about in a pretend place killing each other and stealing cars.

  She put her arms around Gerry’s neck, but the angle was too steep for her and she dropped her arms to his waist. She rubbed her hand around his mid-back in small circular motions. Gerry seemed willing to follow Laurie’s erratic lead. He stood still with his face slightly averted. She tucked her face into his jumper below his collar bone. The wool scratched her and she turned so that her cheek was in contact with the rough surface. They stood like this for a few minutes. Eventually Laurie forced herself to lift her head at an attempt at a kiss. He pulled away briefly and looked closely at her face. Then he wrestled her in and started to kiss her in earnest.

  She couldn’t get her breath but she felt as if she was in a film and was curiously detached from the action. Gerry had started to move his hands around her rib cage towards her breasts. His touch was too tentative for Laurie. She felt herself becoming impatient. This should be more of a passionate tussle, something exciting: a deal breaker.

  She kissed Gerry back fiercely and pushed into him nudging him back against the wall. Perhaps a bite might bring on the feeling she was aiming for. She nipped Gerry on the lip.

  ‘‘Ow! What are you doing?’’ He frowned at her. She looked up at her flat again. Gerry turned his head to follow her line of vision.

  ‘‘That’s where I live. But I think I’m going to go away for a bit.’’

  ‘‘Oh.’’ They pulled away from each other. ‘‘Are you going tonight?’’

  ‘‘I’m not sure.’’ She shrugged. ‘‘Probably not.’’

  ‘‘You might change your mind in the morning.’’

  ‘‘Possibly, but I doubt it.’’

  ‘‘Where will you go?’’

  She shrugged again. ‘‘Dunno. But the world’s my oyster, isn’t it?’’

  ‘‘What if the world’s not all it’s cracked up to be?’’

  ‘‘It’s not like I’d be leaving paradise behind.’’ She looked around herself. ‘‘Is it?’’

  ‘‘I’ve seen worse.’’

  He looked like he meant it.

  ‘‘Come on,’’ she said. ‘‘Sorry, I’m ruining the vibe.’’

  They walked to the mouth of the alley. Laurie looked up at the flat. She turned to Gerry.

  ‘‘I’d better get going. Thanks for tonight.’’

  ‘‘It took my mind off things.’’ He began to raise his hand but dropped it again to his side. He stood and waited as she crossed the road over to her front door.

  She pressed the intercom, then looking over her shoulder, she watched Gerry walk back along the street. He disappeared and reappeared under the streetlights until he turned the corner and was gone.

  Friday the 17th of December

  Just After Midnight

  Cloudy

  Ed was still up when she walked back into the flat. Any residual feelings of tipsiness disappeared when she saw his thin shoulders in his faded grey t shirt as he stood at the window looking down at the street. He was like a gangly child from behind, right down to the superhero she knew graced the front of the shirt. Ed’s hair desperately needed cut. It was sticking up on the crown of his head from the way he’d been sleeping. Whether it was last night’s sleep or one of his day time naps, Laurie had no way of knowing. Ed’s day was entirely his own, Laurie thought but, unusually, without the usual rancour. There was something endearingly pathetic about him as he stood there looking for her.

  He turned back to the room, jumping when he realised she was there, watching him. He pulled his ear phones out of his ears and sat back on the window sill, trapping the stupid lace curtain under his skinny bum. Laurie tsked in annoyance as it came free from where she’d wedged it in behind the ancient curtain pole. The top corner flapped free. It would all fall down during the night. No doubt she’d have to climb up tomorrow and fix it again.

  ‘‘Where have you been?’’ Ed was completely oblivious to Laurie’s annoyance.

  ‘‘Out. Did you miss me?’’

  ‘‘Where’s the curry?’’

  ‘‘The curry?’’ Laurie repeated. He hadn’t been waiting for her at all. Well, at least, not as anything other than a deliverer of food. ‘‘The curry’s in the bloody hall. Where I left it.’’ She threw her coat on the bed. ‘‘Why are you standing at the window Ed? What are you waiting for?’’

  ‘‘Pizza. When you didn’t come back I phoned for some. But I thought I’d order something different in case you came back with the curry.’’ He smiled winningly at her.

  When she had nothing to say but kept staring at him, Ed’s smile faltered. ‘‘What’s wrong? Don’t you feel like pizza?’’

  ‘‘No Ed, I really don’t feel like pizza.’’ As soon as she said it her stomach hurt with hunger. But there was no way she was giving him the satisfaction of asking for a slice. Annoyingly, she knew he’d gladly, unquestioningly, give her half, or more, of anything he had. The problem was that he had nothing of any value to Laurie. His needs were simple. He spent his dole money on take-aways and computer games. All he did was play games, watch TV and sleep. He always appeared to have just woken up, picking at the sleep in his eyes and scratching at himself. Luckily he was unable to grow a beard as shaving would be a real issue for him. She had a mental image of him with a rumplestiltskin beard and felt a giggle coming on.

  ‘‘Have we got any drink here?’’ She should capitalise on this surge of good feeling.

  ‘‘What?’’ Ed had moved back to the computer. ‘‘Oh forget it. Just forget it,’’ she muttered.

  No response.

  ‘‘For fuck’s sake. Ed! What does it take for you to pay the slightest bit of attention to me?’’

  The script was so well worn and boring. She was like a cuckoo in a clock coming out at prearranged times always making the same noise. She realised Ed had put the headphones back in again. Would it be possible to strangle him with the cord, or would sh
e have to work on her upper body strength first? God, who was she kidding? Ed would probably help her. He was so amenable as long as you weren’t asking him to make something of himself.

  She was still standing in the doorway. She looked around their living room. They’d finished university more than five years before but were still living like students. At least then they’d had a student social life. Now they were the only ones of their circle left in town.

  The bedroom had piles of stuff everywhere. Clothes were heaped up at the end of the bed, next to the wardrobe, next to the chest of drawers. Magazines and papers were dumped on the bed amongst the unmade bed clothes. The most galling thing about all the crap was that it was Laurie’s. She had no one but herself to blame. She knew this couldn’t go on. Or rather, it could go on forever and ever, amen.

  She took off her clothes and dumped them on the floor with all her other clothes from the week. She yanked the duvet back, flicking the bed-top detritus to the floor. She sighed loudly to no avail.

  ‘‘If you think you’re going to carry on doing that while I’m trying to sleep, you’ve got another thing coming.’’ Nothing. ‘‘Ed!’’

  ‘‘U-huh?’’ He pulled the ear buds out and turned to her.

  ‘‘You’d better go and wait for the pizza in the kitchen. Some of us have to get up for work in the morning.’’

  ‘‘Okay. Good idea.’’

  She wondered sometimes if he was tone deaf. As in not being able to hear the tone in her voice. He patted her leg through the duvet as he walked past. She felt a bit bad about being nasty to him until she realised he was actually fishing around for his Gameboy which was somewhere within the covers. Ed left the room, neglecting to switch off the light. Laurie pulled the cover over her head and fell asleep thinking the same thing she always seemed to think when she fell asleep these days.

  What fresh hell would tomorrow bring?

  Fairly bright and early

  Cold and Cloudy

  She woke up before the alarm went off and lay looking out of her side of the bed. From there she had a view of the bedroom doorway which was open on to the hall. She could see both the bathroom and part of the living-room through the door frame. Ed was already up. Anybody would think he had a job to go to. He would be making her a cup of tea and a slice of toast. This was the only thing Ed did for her and even this he managed to cock up. The tea was always much too weak and the toast not toasted enough. She was constantly turning the dial on the toaster up a bit, but to no avail. Ed had seen something on TV about the carbon in burnt toast causing cancer and now he wouldn’t let Laurie eat it the way she liked it.